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love

It’s been a long time since I penned my last post. Few incidents in life wound you so deep that take lifetime to recover. The pain goes away. But the scar remains. And that’s what hurts the most. You are not YOU. Things aren’t the same. The coffee shop you loved stepping into, become your reason of mood swings overnight. All it takes a moment to tear your precious small world apart.

I travel because it reminds me that nothing in life holds permanence. One who is very close to you today might not be tomorrow. Life is a journey. You meet someone. strike a conversation, drink a peg or two, laugh and fall in love unknowingly. You see, falling in love is very easy. It happens at the speed of lightning. You don’t think much. You know why heart breaks are so painful? Simply because you think you are the luckiest. Thousands of unlucky people you have read about, yet you think your love is for life. And one day, she leaves you, with her wonderful memories.

Travel has enlightened me that I ain’t alone. There are many unlucky souls wandering in the beautiful world with their rusty heart.

I travel because there are memories I don’t wanna live with. I travel in the hope to reset my brain cells which home those memories. Each travel rejuvenates me with new positive energy to help me become a better individual and a more compassionate person. Meeting strangers and acquaintances on the way and listening their stories helps me forget mine.

I travel to feel alive, to see the unseen, to hear the unheard and meet noone whose story holds no value, yet it feels so connected. I travel to stumble upon another me, to share my happy moments, to share my grief, to talk about her. And it all starts with, “About her? Where do I start? I haven’t known a more perfect person in my life. She is crazy. The weather changes and the flowers bloom wherever she goes. She has the power to awaken the deadliest of souls and blow into them a purpose to live. Meeting her would make you realise that you reached the unreachable, achieved the unachievable and fathomed the unfathomable. You feel strong and weak at the same time. You know love to be the deadliest of all weapons, yet you don’t hesitate to put your neck under it. That’s her.”.

Farewell! Until we meet again.

Copyright © 2018, Aashish Barnwal, All rights reserved.
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It was a lazy evening. I had Quora opened on my cellphone, Fringe on my big monitor and an article about Elon Musk on laptop. Something was not right. A cold feeling of void was crawling inside me. With Valentine’s Day shy of less than 2 weeks and seeing happy couples all around, I was thinking all over again. If you are wondering, let me unveil that it wasn’t the first time.

It might sound weird. But I ain’t quite fond of very big changes in life. I very well remember an incident from my childhood. I was at my dad’s clinic in late noon and my eyes fell on an envelope lying on the desk. Out of curiosity, I pulled it quietly and tore open. There was a letter inside, with my name from a school I never heard of. And followed the details of all the facilities and academics which were not of my interest. My eyes grew wide in fear. I didn’t want to leave home. You see, it was a big change for me. And I didn’t like it. Albeit I have grown to be an adult, my fear has not gone away.

I think this is the exact reason why I stayed at Microsoft for this long. Yes, the culture, work life balance, people, familiar faces, all are valid reasons. But for me, it’s that big change I want to avoid.

Arrange marriage scares me to hell. Marriage itself is a big change. But if you get to marry someone you know for relatively longer time, it’s kinda comforting. Afraid to say, I am running out of time set by my mom to find a girl of my choice. And that is worrisome. I always thought that this is not a great deal. I must say, I underestimated it deeply.

Will I ever learn to embrace big change with open arms? Let time be the judge of that. Till then, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Copyright © 2017, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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क्या बताऊँ उसके बारे में,
उसे देखता हूँ तो लगता है जैसे पूरी क़ायनात मुस्कुरा उठी हो,
जैसे ठंडी वसंती फ़िज़ा बहने लगी हो,
जैसी सारी समस्याएं काफूर हो गई हो,
क्या बताऊँ उसके बारे में,
उससे बातें करता हूँ तो वक़्त थम जाता है,
होश खो सा जाता है,
क्या बताऊँ उसके बारे में,
जब वो हसती है तोः खुद को भूल जाता हूँ,
क्या बताऊँ उसके बारे में,
लफ्ज़ कम पड़ जायेंगे,
वक़्त कम पड़ जायेगा।

Copyright © 2017, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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बेवजह तुमसे मिलने के बहाने बनाता हूँ,
इक गुफ्तगू को खाली शाम तलाशता हूँ,
पता है कि तुम मना कर दोगी,
बस उम्मीदों के सहारे दिल को ढाढस बंधाता हूँ।

Copyright © 2017, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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It was a long tiring day. The worst thing about being single is that you can’t share experiences of the day with anyone but pillows. The reader opened a chapter from his favorite book and started reading quietly.

The night was at its peak. Grave silence was blended in the air. The moon was waiting impatiently for Mary near the lake.
“May I ask you something if you don’t mind”, the moon asked the girl. Curiosity was killing him since quite long.
“How do you know that you’ve found the one?”

This was a great question indeed. The reader of the book was longing for the answer since the moment he met his first crush in his early adolescence. He stopped for a moment, took a deep breathe and continued reading.

“I know that you guys don’t like the same music. You have different taste-buds. Your morning habits don’t rhyme with his. While I often see him lost in capturing my reflection in night, you seem to enjoy the silence.
How were you so sure that Peter was the one?”, the moon said with no halt as if he had practiced this many times.

After a pregnant pause, Mary spoke,
“Everything in life has got a purpose and a meaning. Sometimes, It’s important to see things the way they are.
I have learned that some poems don’t rhyme, yet they communicate the fullness of expression. Some trees don’t bear fruits, yet they give shade. Some days are not sunny, yet they are beautiful.
Look at yourself. Even after flaws and imperfections, you are so magnificent and beautiful that famous artists have been carving you in the best of their work since ages.
The starking contrast in our vision and different ways to perceive the same thing made us true companions. We might be different. But together, we are highly potent mixture.”

The reader had finished the chapter. In fact, he liked that part so much that he could never finish the book. “I must have read the story of moon and the girl a hundred times”, he whispered to himself.

Copyright © 2017, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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कुछ अलग ही कशिश थी उस शाम की हवाओं में,
ना चाहते हुए भी दिल बन्ध सा गया था,
निगाहें थम गई थी,
उसके चेहरे पर जम सी गई थी,
शायद हमारी बातों में ही कोई कमी रह गई होगी,
वरना एक और मुलाक़ात का हफ़्तों इंतजार ना करना पड़ता।

Copyright © 2017, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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November 5, 2017

Dear Mary,
It’s not at all fair to express my thoughts in such write-ups. Being a man of words, I can keep on writing forever and still it won’t justify the happiness bottled inside me. That evening is the best evening of my life. Talking to you is like flying in the air, above the fluffy clouds. It has the power to fuel life in dead souls. It’s a careful balance between dream and reality. Ever since I met you, I can’t think of more beautiful moment to live. All I crave for is a glimpse of you.

Yours always,
Peter

Copyright © 2017, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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हमारी कहानी उसी दिन ख़त्म हो गई,
जिस वक़्त हमारी नज़रें तुमसे मिली,
शायद इश्क़ हो गया है तुमसे,
वरना हर मुस्कराहट की वजह तुम ना होती।

Copyright © 2017, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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तुम्हे सोचते सोचते रात यूँ ही निकल जाएगी,
इक तूफ़ान सा है दिल में, नींद कहाँ आएगी,
कल कि मुलाक़ात ना जाने क्या अंजाम लाएगी,
तेरे चेहरे पर मुस्कान आएगी या ख्वाइश अधूरी रह जाएगी।

Copyright © 2017, Aashish Barnwal,  All rights reserved.
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